i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
