Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
