If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I looked at my own cervix.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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