Screwed.edu
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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