We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
