Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Help. Why am I so naked?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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