Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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