you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want her autograph on my taint
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
