any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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