Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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