If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
