remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
