Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
