I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Never underestimate the power of titties
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
