Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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