at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
