Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
