another moral hangover. fuck.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
