its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
