It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
