Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
