Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
