i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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