TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
