Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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