He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
