if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
pray to the hookup gods
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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