It's like God shit irony all over that family
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
