My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
