I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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