i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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