I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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