He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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