You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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