Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
