I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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