I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
