I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have fence marks all over my body
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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