I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
