if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
