I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
