I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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