Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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