if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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