sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
