he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
