Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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