Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
