last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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