u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
