My hand turned me down
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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