we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
