Just mADE A PArabola og urine
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
