my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This beer is not sobering me up at all
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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