Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm too high and old for this...
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