so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
