oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize