there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
