I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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