Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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