kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
