I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
