I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
two words...techno handjob
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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