god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
