Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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