Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
