Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
